Researchers discover maps containing location of York

Discovery serves as crucial proof to the outside world that York campus actually exists

Mike Sholars

In what the scientific community is calling “an unprecedented discovery,” a small team of researchers have found a chest containing centuries-old artifacts buried in the York University Commons.

The chest was initially unearthed by TTC construction workers, who later alerted York administration. A team of archaeologists, geologists, and antique experts carefully went through the chest, and shared their findings in a press conference late last week.

Archaeology professor Henry Chau shared his thoughts on the find: “It seems that the chest was a time capsule of sorts for a typical agrarian family in the 19th century.

“My team found precious textiles, woodcuts, even a small flintlock pistol,” Chau says. “But the most amazing item in the chest was, of course, the map.”

A small deerskin map was found at the bottom of the chest, with marks indicating nearby streams, hunting grounds, and suitable land for a large settlement. The map has been compared to modern geological surveys, and the map has been confirmed to be the Keele and Steeles area.

“The implications of this are, of course, monumental,” says Chau, unable to hide his excitement. “After all, this is the first time in history that York University has been on a map.”

A 2009 survey conducted by York media confirmed that two out of 10 York students were able to identify their university on a map. When asked what city York was situated in, students alternately answered “North York,” “Toronto,” or “Vaughan,” sometimes changing their answer mid-sentence.

The most recent map of the area abruptly ends around Downsview station; the standard city planning diagrams of main roads and side streets give way to crayon illustrations of trees, purple question marks, and dragons.

Wallace Pidgeon of York media says he is “optimistic” about Chau’s findings increasing awareness of the university.

“I look forward to the day where visitors to our campus aren’t living in fear of dragon attacks, or looking for massive question marks,” says Pidgeon.

A town hall meeting will be held next week to determine how much of the current map to alter; early reports suggest that the majority of students prefer the “simple, easy-to-read” style of the map they have now.

In related news, a poll held by the University of Toronto shows that nine out of 10 U of T students identified the sun, the centre of the milky way galaxy, as the location of their school.

DISCLAIMER: This issue contains works of satire. All names used in this story are invented, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names or events is accidental and coincidental.

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By Excalibur Publications



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