“It’s what the students want,” says Wallace Pidgeon of York media
Mark Grant
Photo Editor
In the wake of massive student complaints about the closing of the ACE, ACW, and Fine Arts Buildings each night, York administration announced Thursday they have come up with a solution to the problem.
Instead of locking students out, the administration has begun to lock students in with electronic locks on all the buildings’ doors.
“It’s what the students want,” Wallace Pidgeon of York media explained. “They said they wanted to access the facilities, so now they can. It’s a solution we feel works for everyone.”
Security has also increased around the buildings, with York security on hand at each door to usher nearby students inside. “We really wanted to add to the safety and security of that environment,” said Alex Shore, the project coordinator for the new initiative.
“Warm, flashing lights, and welcoming ambient music have activated with the locks, coupled with the welcoming scents of popcorn and pizza which will be vented inside the building. We really wanted to achieve a cheerful, enticing atmosphere. We’re really excited about this initiative and we’re looking forward to more innovations,” says Shore.
The program has been instituted smoothly, despite budget setbacks; dispensers of free candy were initially proposed, but there was only enough money for the signs advertising them.
While no students using the buildings could be reached for comment, York administration has taken the rhythmic thumping and “excited” yelling coming from the buildings as a sign of student appreciation for the initiative.
“We’re really happy about student response,” Shore concluded. “Since we turned the locks on, we haven’t received a single complaint. It’s really gratifying to see students getting behind an Administration initiative.”
Pidgeon described the project as a “resounding success”, saying York administration is excited about new projects in the future.
In other news, York classes are facing low attendance. Since last Thursday, class attendance has dropped by an average of 50 per cent across campus. Pidgeon has said York administration will be putting together a sub-committee next week to investigate this developing problem.
DISCLAIMER: This issue contains works of satire. All names used in this story are invented, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names or events is accidental and coincidental.
