DISCLAIMER: Stories and images published in this week’s issue under satire (with the exception of advertisements) are purely satirical and created purely for entertainment and/or parody purposes. They are not intended to communicate any accurate or factual information. Some names used in Excalibur’s satire stories are fictional, and any resemblance to actual persons or entities may be purely coincidental.
A woman, who has been identified as 62-year-old Caryn Mascoff, was denied service at a North York LCBO for not wearing a mask, leaving many social media users outraged. Mascoff was attempting to purchase Jackson Triggs red wine to partake in wine o’clock with her best friend Sharon Antimasck. Her attempt was thwarted when an employee informed her she needed to give up her constitutional right to spread illness or leave.
The original video taken by Mascoff on her iPhone1 was uploaded to her personal BoomerBook. It was later shared to Reddit by her grandson Chad, who goes by the username itsbig2006. The video has since garnered over 10 billion likes with many commenters expressing their outrage at what some called a “blatant example of the ongoing discrimination faced by Boomer women.”
Mascoff can be heard in the viral video pleading with the young LCBO employee to allow her to buy the wine as she has a medical exemption for Karenitis, a debilitating illness most common in Baby Boomer women.
The employee attempted to offer her alternative ways to shop, including filming the shopping experience and uploading to BoomerBook to massage her ego for a more positive shopping experience. However, Mascoff refused and said that the employee can “shove that mask up their behind.”
One user commented, “The discrimination that Karenitis sufferers face on a daily basis is actually sickening and has been going on for way too long. The man was totally in the wrong for denying the woman service and needs to be fired ASAP.”
Common symptoms of Karenitis include the inability to accept criticism, the need to scream at the top of one’s lungs, and a burning distaste for anything empirically supported by science and logic, such as wearing a mask during a global pandemic.
A petition on petition.org with the hashtag “#JusticeForCarynMascoff” has garnered over nine million signatures in under nine hours, which speaks to the waves of disgust felt throughout Toronto.
The Karenitis Association of Entitledville, Ontario has released a statement that reads, “The blatant display of bullying towards a friend of our organization is reprehensible and should result in immediate termination.”
Mascoff is reportedly planning to sue the LCBO for emotional damages and for violating the Karen’s Law Act under the Ontario Human Rights Code.
The LCBO released a statement, which read, “We are taking the incident very seriously as it does not reflect our values. We sympathize deeply with Mrs. Mascoff and sufferers of Karenitis worldwide. We strongly promote a culture that celebrates the right to shove one’s anti-mask beliefs down others’ throats. We will take all appropriate actions necessary.”
Mascoff could not be reached for comment.