Jodie Vanderslot | Health Editor
Featured image | Rowan Campbell
My mind is like an ocean, and my thoughts are the waves. Running as low as the ocean floor, spreading and extending themselves as far as they can possibly go. Some waves are continuous, others soft and smooth, while others grab me at my core and pull me down, swallowing me whole. My thoughts start out the same way, subtle and small, but they begin to build in speed and persistence. The waves are pounding against the shoreline, like the thoughts thrashing around in my head. The ocean shore is a gateway, a place where my thoughts, fears, and worries all collide.
We all have stories. Everyone’s mental health is unique, and so are our experiences—what we have to realize though, is that mental illness is so incredibly common, yet many individuals still feel stigmatized.
If you knew the thoughts that went through our heads, maybe you would reserve your judgments, adjust your vocabulary, and alter your perspective. Mental health isn’t just a buzzword, and feelings can’t just be dismissed—your words matter.
Kaitlin Fenton, fourth-year Professional Writing
“I was initially diagnosed with mild depression in Thunder Bay in 2011, then, in 2015, I was rediagnosed with bipolar type 2 and borderline personality disorder after an extreme depressive episode. The healthcare system in Thunder Bay is broken, and I suffered a lot when I was there. I felt that the doctors didn’t listen to me about my symptoms. I was hospitalized once under false pretenses—they called both me and my mother ‘sneaky liars.’ I knew it wasn’t mild depression by any standards. From my traumas there, I developed severe PTSD. I wish someone would have told me the treatment I experienced was wrong. Maybe then, I wouldn’t be so distant about mental health, and I would put more trust in my doctors. I have been robbed of so much, so many experiences and things I used to like, because I am too triggered by them.”
Anna Voskuil, Copy Editor
“Have you ever had a strange, violent, or grotesquely-sexual thought pop into your mind for no reason, think ‘huh, that was weird,’ and let it pass by in a few short seconds, not even giving it a second thought? When you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), those thoughts never go away. They stay with you, convincing you that these may actually be your true, genuine thoughts, even though you’re aware, rationally, that they’re not—it’s an internal battle every single day. You feel that you ‘have to’ take extreme measures in order to keep those intrusive thoughts away, or prevent them from happening—it could be counting in fours, closing a door until it feels ‘just right,’ or avoiding certain places, things, or people that can ‘cause’ these obsessions to be true. We call these acts ‘compulsions,’ and it’s more than just being a perfectionist, picky, or having a ‘cute quirk.’ It’s draining, exhausting, and painful. For eight years of my life, I was battling against myself, feeling trapped in a mind that forced me to doubt myself constantly, and kept me up until 4 a.m. to perform compulsions. OCD is known as one of the most debilitating, yet misunderstood, mental illnesses out there. So, before you say, ‘I’m so OCD,’ think again, be compassionate, and do some research. For without understanding, recovery is lost.”
Anonymous
“It has been almost a year, and I can still vividly remember sitting across the room from my supposed best friend, while she told me that everyone in the house agreed that I should move out. They didn’t want to be responsible for me if my ‘condition’ worsened, and they also didn’t want to risk the state of their own mental health by being around me. I felt betrayed, angry, and confused. That five-minute conversation single-handedly tarnished my friendships with all of the people I had thought were my closest friends for the past three years of my life. I couldn’t even cry; I felt like the walls of my little corner of the world were closing in, and I had hit rock bottom. It felt like no one wanted to be around me because of my anxiety—and for that, I was angry. I wished I had never told them I had anxiety, or allowed myself to be vulnerable with them in that way.
“The Bell Let’s Talk day was exactly one month after my housemates told me I was impossible to live with, and ironically, each one of them made personalized tweets and statuses about the importance of understanding mental health and helping those who are affected by it. I could barely read them; I didn’t understand how they could announce publicly that they supported those who struggled with mental illness, and then turn around and exile me, because my mental illness felt like a burden to them.
“I don’t think I will every fully heal from these events, and that’s okay. I’m in a place now of endless love and support, and I am working on learning how to live with my anxiety without being apologetic. My anxiety does not define me, but it is a part of who I am. No one should feel like their mental illness prohibits them from having healthy relationships with other people, and I think the greatest lesson I have learned thus far is knowing when to let go of a toxic person to allow myself to grow.”
Pegah Rahbar, fourth-year Kinesiology and Health Sciences
“I experienced discrimination because of my foreign accent, causing depression, anxiety, and self-hatred. It made me so self-critical that I couldn’t like anything about myself—I had enough. I raised up; I couldn’t stop those who made me feel that way, so I left them, and I made new friends.”
Anonymous
“My experience of having a depressive episode is like waking up in a dark, irritating, and unforgiving alternate universe, believing that the real world was just a figment of your imagination. Your favourite food doesn’t taste good, everything bugs you, and you literally have no feeling for anything or anyone. You feel that isolating yourself is best, so you try not to annoy or get in anyone’s way.”
Priya Saha, second-year Communications Studies
“Living with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder is like living under a giant boulder, during the final days of my menstrual cycle. I experience de-motivating and suicidal thoughts, and an insane amount of anxiety. During these days, I feel a rush of anger creeping into my brain and spreading throughout my body. I am incapable of controlling my emotions; they are as volatile as the stock market. I avoid socialization of any kind; I cannot bear to present myself to the scrutinizing eyes of the public. I attempt to think clearly but my brain is too foggy, the migraines are too painful, and the stress too unbearable. Sometimes I feel my misery will never end.”
